Monday, November 3, 2014

Grieving Food and Waking to New Realities

As many of you are aware I am going through the processes to have a Sleeve Gastrectomy. It has been a hard couple of weeks. I feel like I am grieving food. It has been a long two and a half months of mental decision making and readiness preparations. On November 14th I will have the scope of my stomach and then surgery dates will be set. I have beat myself up wondering why I cannot do this successfully on my own. On the other hand I am ready for a tool I have prepared to make use of in ending the saga of weightless and regain over and over. I do not want to spend the second half of my life fighting this battle unarmed. I am going into this with a positive attitude. I have made many life style changes to make surgery successful.

I am curious with you and your journey. Please share. What have you been through? What has worked and what has not. Where are you on the diet verses weightless surgery decisions? Many people have told me surgery is by no means taking the easy way out. But, is it taking a drastic measure for a loss of self control? What do you think friends?

Thursday, October 23, 2014

This Lady Wants to Lose It!

Tomorrow morning I have a gallbladder ultrasound and EKG. I am preparing for a Sleeve Gastrectomy. I am so nervous and unsure even as I am so close to setting a surgery date. I want so badly to lose weight. In the later years it has become so difficult. I am developing sore knees and nodules on my finger tips. My body aches and is inflamed so much of the time no matter what I eat or don't eat. I wish I was a rich celebrity and could hire a coach to stand by my side and guide me through a transformation. I have made a lot of healthy changes in my lifestyle, but none have resulted in weight loss.

A recent metabolism study showed I barely burn 800 calories a day. I was told weight lifting would benefit my metabolism more than cardio. I am joining our local gym this next week and will seek out a workout buddy. Who wants to go to the gym a lone? Not this girl.

Friends this journey is so up and down and hard. I just desire to  be in a place I can say I like myself for a change. Everyday is full of constant reminders about how far I have to go. It's hard to get started let a lone stay on track.

Just trying to be real with you all. Today has been discouraging. On to tomorrow friends! Blessings to everyone!

Tuesday, October 21, 2014

This Lady Isn't Losing It Yet has been a while. There is so much to update and truthfully I am feeling a bit overwhelmed with the whole process. I stumble between feeling like I should be able to easily lose weight on my own and resorting to weight loss surgery. Please do not chastise me for the word resorting, it is how I feel some days. I have good days and bad and overall I have not lost more than 5 pounds. Hence the big sigh.....

I have been undergoing preparations for a Sleeve Gastrectomy this fall. I have 2 more appointments which include the ultrasound, EKG, and Gastric imaging. Tentative surgery date is last of November. I am very nervous and also hopeful. My greatest fear is hairloss. If anyone has experience with hairless and weightless surgery please talk to me. The doctor said as long as I take in all my protein it will not be an issue. I have been trying to take in the 60g a day without dieting and it is hard!

I am hoping to hear form fellow weight loss friends. Where are you in your journey. How do you convince yourself you are ready to cut your stomach out despite the lack of control over dieting. It's a rough way to put it, but I am really feeling like a failure.

Tuesday, August 12, 2014

State of Mind and Weight Loss

We are only human. We are people you and I. We are thin, fat, tall, short. We smile and laugh, we weep and cry. We are human. As I embark on this journey and in light of this world losing a comedian, actor, genius, spiritual soul in robin Williams (rest in peace my friend) I am reminded; we are only human after all. 

We all see ourselves in spite of ourselves. We don't see ourselves as others see us. We need to let ourselves off the hook and breath. Life is life and we can only do what we can do. There is a time and place for asking for help, for seeking other alternatives, for reaching out. We are human and not one of us is the same as another. We came into this world and alone and we will leave alone. But, friends we do not have to journey alone. There are so many situations and issues that cause us to break down. The challenges are not just found in drugs and alcohol, abuse, or even trauma. Weight loss is a huge journey and if one has not struggled with the fate of being over weight it is difficult to understand the indignation of being overweight. Its a scaring cancer in the core of who we are that truly can never be cured. It's not the same for every person and the results of losing weight do not affect each of us the same. 

As I journey friends I vow to be there for you whoever you might be. I am your friend. I will walk with you through my journey and beside you for your own if you like. I know what it is so the sad, to be defeated, to be ashamed, and to be shunned and left alone. I am not perfect and weight loss is not a cure for all that is wrong in the soul or mind. Weight loss is a journey to physiological health and well being, but is only a part of the whole being. I am your friend and I am here if you need anyone walking through your own journeys. 

Gob bless you friends each and every one. You are not alone! 

Monday, August 11, 2014

Heavy Cloud Dreams and the Burden of Weight

Last night I woke from a very strange dream. I was confronting family members I wanted to avoid because I am ashamed of myself. In the dream as we are hustling around to ready everyone for some event a huge and heavy cloud very dark grey and looming lowers itself in the darkening sky. As I approach the window I can see the cloud is frozen and actually breaking through the windows threatening to crush the house. I race about and find on the other side of the house there is clearing bright blue sunny sky. I then get the message I girl in another town was crushed by this same falling freezing sky.

Here is how I have interpreted this dream and I welcome anyone to weight in with me. IN a dream of clouds, especially heavy dark clouds there is a representation of antagonistic character of a leader who deprives his people from their rights causing them to suffer through their negative or mean mandates. Because the cloud was descending or threatening me it can also mean I will join the company of believers or receive some kind of accolade or award. It can also be I am endowed with wisdom, what i shall wish for would be granted. I could become renowned for my knowledge.

Because the sky returned bright and sunny it means there will be success following the hardships. Great sorrows will break away and a harvest of success and reaping will follow.

But, really, how does this relate to the anxiety of weight loss surgery friends?

Sunday, August 10, 2014

Sleeve Gastrectomy Surgery Journey

Beginning this journeys usually a three month process. I am beginning week two of the journey. My goal in the next two weeks is to reduce my caffeine intake ultimately to a decaf of one cup per day. I am supposed to increase my water intake to 64 ounces. I do not have to ween off colas and carbonated sodas as many patients do because I rarely if ever drink them. The water is a bit difficult as I just do not think about drinking until I am so thirsty I can't stand it.

The other adjustment I recommend making as soon as possible is learning to stop drinking water 30 minutes before a meal and an hour after. This will be required following surgery.

I am nervous and anxious. I keep beating myself up as to why I have such a hard time doing this without the help. I don't know, but time is wasting and I do not want to get any older wishing I had done it years ago!

Saturday, August 9, 2014

This Lady Losing It!

On August 4, 2014 I visited Texas Panhandle Weightloss Clinic. I met with Dr. Bleu. For those of you struggling with weight issues, weightless, or any other type of digestive bariatric issue I HIGHLY recommend Dr. Bleu. This is one of the most kind, open and honest physicians I have ever met. The moment he began speaking I was at ease! He did not sit and talk to me about McDonalds (which I rarely if ever eat) or midnight binges on cookies (also not something I partake in). He spoke to me about real issues such as aging, metabolic systems, and metabolism. He spoke to me with continuous eye contact and a reassuring smile on his face. He took my hand and reassured me this is as much a personal issue as it is an evolutionary issue dating back thousands of years when man hunted and gathered. He did not go to grocery stores and buy food laced with chemicals and processed with artificial substances. He spoke to me of a time when our stomaches were smaller and our hunger was more easily satiated.

The reason I chose Texas Panhandle Weightloss Center - simple - they do as much preparation in their clinic as possible and it does not require patients to fly and stay in Dallas like others in our area!

Friends for me weight loss is not as much about making grand cages as I rarely if ever drink sodas, I do not have candy, cookies, or unhealthy foods hidden in cabinets. I simply struggle day to day with the same things many obese women do, hormones, lack of energy, cravings, and stubborn belly weight.

I have made the decision to have a Sleeve Gastrectomy. Let me tell you this is a most difficult decision rooted in two previous preparations for bariatric surgery and then chickening out at the last minute. Issues this summer and continued weight issues have helped me decide this will be the best tool for me now and for the long future.

I feel I am a disappointment. I read about others able to lose 100 pounds on their own. I have tried albeit not hard enough, but I have tried. Life in a family of seven and now growing to eight and nine with my children engaged and dating is difficult. Again, I can make all the excuses, after talking to Dr. Bleu I am fairly certain this is the tool for me. I will take it slow and spend the three months preparing and making sure I am set in my decision. I will track my thoughts, processes and discussions right here on my blog.

Please feel free to make comments, suggestions, and lets make this our journey and not mine. I vow to give you the truth and nothing but the truth for those of you who also struggle to lose weight and make decisions about the best tool for your health and your life.

God bless us friends as we journey forward and endeavor to reap the greatest harvest out of this life.